I Hate This Part Right Here

I can't take it any longer Thought that we were stronger All we do is linger Slipping through my fingers I don't wanna try now All that's left is goodbye. . .

Sitting her now. And I can't take it. I can't understand why I let my insecurities and my lack of self-esteem hurt him. The only way to help him is to end it i guess. He changed for me. He fixed. I broke. I'm still unfixed. I told him goodbye and he said "bye". It's with him but now my misery grows. I hate this part right here. I don't know how to be happy. I wish I had some help. School only makes it worse. I'm behind on my school work. I cant focus. All I can do is hurt and cry.

Damaged

My heart’s at a low, I’m so much to manage, I think you should know that I’ve been damaged

I thought I was all right till tonight. I haven't seen tears in a while but tonight they came. It hurts when you feel alone and the one person that is there for you is the one that hurt you the most. My heart is still damaged. TLC sang my soul. Nothing else expresses how i feel then these words:

I know I’m kinda strange, to you sometimes Don’t always say, what’s on my mind You know that I’ve been hurt, by some guy But I don’t wanna mess up this time

And I really really really care And I really really really want you And I think I’m kinda scared Cause I don’t want to lose you If you really really really care Then maybe you can hang through I hope you understand It’s nothing to you

My heart’s at a low I’m so much to manage I think you should know that I’ve been damaged I’m falling in love There’s one disadvantage I think you should know that I’ve been damaged

For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic

I put my faith in you, so much faith in you and you just threw it all away, you threw it all away. . .

"I love you" those words should never be uttered unless, you have the feelings to back it up. I do have those feelings but I was trying to keep them caged from him. I don't want to get stuck again. I'm scared that he'll mistake "I love you" for meaning "I trust you". But I don't trust him, I don't know when I every will. It hurts walking around feeling like he could break my heart again. I'm not trying to dwell on the past problems but its hard not to remember once in a while. I am still yet to learn how to grow from everything I experienced. I am still yet to know how to live my life. I told him I loved him despite all the warnings I gave myself, but I guess it want hurt as bad if I'm expecting to get hurt. I hate to be so pessimistic but I'm scared to believe in the alternative and be let down.

Hallelujah

Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place, If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday. . .
I've talked to him alot lately. It's been great but still not the same. I didn't know if we've learned our lessons or we just can't. I want to say "I love you" at the end of every conversation but it's not time for that. Everything is still so awkward. Hung out with my bestie today. It was a great escape from it all. It was reallly fun.

Goodbye

I remember when we kissed, I still feel it on my lips, the time that you danced with me with no music playing, I remember the simple thing, I remember till I cry. . .
He called me three times today but that was only after I texted him. Was it truly and accident or did i really need some type of contact with him to make me feel better? His voice on the phone gave me chills. I didn't say much cause I didn't want to cry. I don't understand myself. Because at the moment I heard his voice I almost forgot all of the hate and just wished he was closer. I just wish this all never happened. I want things to be normal again. Am I just feeling like this because of a lasp in judgement? I don't know what's best for me.