Vampires = Sex and other problems

I have a slight obsession of vampire related stories, movies and television shows since I can remember. I often recall times in my childhood when I wished to be one really bad. I cannot remember what triggered my affection for them but it hasn't left me since. And with all of this, I have still managed not to read or watch twilight. I think it might put me over the edge, lol. I know this is a random post but it was what was on my mind right now.

In other news, as far as my goals go for the year. I am blogging more often. I am trying my hardest to obtain a job. I am also eating healthy and less often than before. The poem is still unstarted but not forgotten. And my RA application is great progress. I started the form, revised my resume, and got to letters of recommendation(one more needed).

This "vacation" was a miserable waste of free time. I babysat my very active but adorable david everyday from 8am till 8pm bearly any breaks. I know I enjoyed getting to see him since I rearly get the chance, however, I disliked the fact that my parent abandon me and left me responsible for almost everything. This was the difinitely the coldest winter ever. Christmas was also a waste. I tried to be in the spirit of giving instead of reciving but all got was complaint and only on thank you. I spent all my hard earned no sleep having final stressing money. But I learned my lesson I think. I grew up with this family yet somehow I always manage to be the only one burned by them. I should have learned my lesson before now.

However, I'm leaving this miresable island on friday. YAY! Saturday will be full of jobhunting and schedule planning. I'm spending the weekened with my awesome new friend Kaitlynn. We are going to work on our RA application and try and find other things to do around the city.

I have so many plans for this new year, I'm not going to let anything try and stop my progress. I'm still on a positive note and I'm trying to stay here.

Song Mood: Decode - Paramore (vampires=sex)

I Promise

Open my heart Give it to you Tell the whole world that I'm in love with you Whatever you want baby I'll do I know I don't want nobody else but you. . .
Tonight I just made the most important decision of my life, I chose love. And I never want to loose it again. I know now starts a hard journey to forever but God-willing, we'll make it. It's been 3 months, felt like forever. I thought I would loose 3 years in 3 months. I was scared, insecure, and unbelieving. This almost caused me to loose the person who is and will always be there for me regardless of anything. I'm so glad I made this decision. And I promise to always love him.

Everyone Makes Pointless New Years Resolutions, Time For A Change

Instead of making empty promises about what I want to do this year, every month I am going to set about 3-5 goals and aim to fulfill most of them before the month is over. The goals range from simple to difficult, but they will all lead towards a better year and life for myself.

January's List

• Blog at least once a week including pictures or video
• Obtain a steady job
• Start getting body healthy
• Write at least one poem
• Finish RA application

Save Room

This just might hurt a little, love hurts sometimes when you do it right, don't be afraid of a little bit of pain pleasure is on the other side. . .
My whole outlook on life and relationships has changed in such a short time. When you're inexperienced you have so much hope in your soul that nothing is impossible; then you experience pain, fell hope, doubt all, but finally you learn, you grow, and try harder.Right now I'm at the learning/growing stages. I'm still young, I have much to learn and a lot more growing up to do. People often say "it's better to have loved and lost than never to love at all" and I never believed it but now I feel its it true more than ever. Even if you've loved and lost you still experienced that great feeling of love that everyone should have at least one. Everyone needs it despite what they believe. So I'll save room for love.

I Hate This Part Right Here

I can't take it any longer Thought that we were stronger All we do is linger Slipping through my fingers I don't wanna try now All that's left is goodbye. . .

Sitting her now. And I can't take it. I can't understand why I let my insecurities and my lack of self-esteem hurt him. The only way to help him is to end it i guess. He changed for me. He fixed. I broke. I'm still unfixed. I told him goodbye and he said "bye". It's with him but now my misery grows. I hate this part right here. I don't know how to be happy. I wish I had some help. School only makes it worse. I'm behind on my school work. I cant focus. All I can do is hurt and cry.