Damaged

My heart’s at a low, I’m so much to manage, I think you should know that I’ve been damaged

I thought I was all right till tonight. I haven't seen tears in a while but tonight they came. It hurts when you feel alone and the one person that is there for you is the one that hurt you the most. My heart is still damaged. TLC sang my soul. Nothing else expresses how i feel then these words:

I know I’m kinda strange, to you sometimes Don’t always say, what’s on my mind You know that I’ve been hurt, by some guy But I don’t wanna mess up this time

And I really really really care And I really really really want you And I think I’m kinda scared Cause I don’t want to lose you If you really really really care Then maybe you can hang through I hope you understand It’s nothing to you

My heart’s at a low I’m so much to manage I think you should know that I’ve been damaged I’m falling in love There’s one disadvantage I think you should know that I’ve been damaged

For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic

I put my faith in you, so much faith in you and you just threw it all away, you threw it all away. . .

"I love you" those words should never be uttered unless, you have the feelings to back it up. I do have those feelings but I was trying to keep them caged from him. I don't want to get stuck again. I'm scared that he'll mistake "I love you" for meaning "I trust you". But I don't trust him, I don't know when I every will. It hurts walking around feeling like he could break my heart again. I'm not trying to dwell on the past problems but its hard not to remember once in a while. I am still yet to learn how to grow from everything I experienced. I am still yet to know how to live my life. I told him I loved him despite all the warnings I gave myself, but I guess it want hurt as bad if I'm expecting to get hurt. I hate to be so pessimistic but I'm scared to believe in the alternative and be let down.

Hallelujah

Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place, If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday. . .
I've talked to him alot lately. It's been great but still not the same. I didn't know if we've learned our lessons or we just can't. I want to say "I love you" at the end of every conversation but it's not time for that. Everything is still so awkward. Hung out with my bestie today. It was a great escape from it all. It was reallly fun.

Goodbye

I remember when we kissed, I still feel it on my lips, the time that you danced with me with no music playing, I remember the simple thing, I remember till I cry. . .
He called me three times today but that was only after I texted him. Was it truly and accident or did i really need some type of contact with him to make me feel better? His voice on the phone gave me chills. I didn't say much cause I didn't want to cry. I don't understand myself. Because at the moment I heard his voice I almost forgot all of the hate and just wished he was closer. I just wish this all never happened. I want things to be normal again. Am I just feeling like this because of a lasp in judgement? I don't know what's best for me.

Worth The Wait

All the long nights dreaming of forever someday we will be together I know it will have been worth the wait ooh please wait for me. . .

Crying again. Wondering hard. I can't stop thinking about it. I need a solution. And until then I need comfort. I need help. Right I feel so alone. I feel worse then hurt. I try so hard to keep myself preoccupied away from my thoughts. But that can only work for so long. I keep telling my heart "a little bit longer and I'll be fine" but will it be worth the wait??

Incapable of Love

Don't be too scared She's come prepared For more than a broken heart It's too late to be strong. . .

I didn't lose any sleep last night. He hasn't tried to call me since that night. But I don't want him too. I'm trying to get him out of my focus but people make it inevitable. I don't want to cry but people make it inevitable. I don't want to hate him, but I think I might be temporarily, maybe even permanently incapable of love. I still don't know how to cope with what I feel. He didn't physical bruise me but my heart is more than damaged.

I went to the United Nations today. I think its one of the most interesting places I've every visited. Yet, I can't understand how many countries including the USA, UK, and Japan find it so hard follow the UN's advisement. It all makes sense for the betterment of the world and well-being of future generations. As thought about this I realized our global and personal hindrances. Yet, I still believe that we can improve.

On The Line

One in the same, never to change, our love was beautiful. We got it all Destined to fall our love was tragical. . .

I'm sitting here at my desk. I know I have to sleep soon but something is keeping me away my bed. I think laying on it will allow me to let down the guard that I've had all day. I haven't cried over him all day. But what if I lay down and allow my tears out now? Will that defeat my whole success today? Was today really a success or was I just preoccupied? I wonder what he did today? I wonder if tomorrow be as "successful" as today. I wonder when it will get better. For now its all on the line.

24 hours

I'm sick of wish I'm here You've gone your way, you've made it clear Why do i feel you everywhere?. . .

Currently on my bed. Thinking about how stupid I am. He hurt me. Yet, my heart is still calling out for him. I always swore to myself I wouldn't be like those girls who were ignorant to the truth until it was too late. Was I ignorant too? Is it too late? Had our relationship always been this bad. It's only exactly 24 hours, yet so much as changed. I'm scared. Scared that others might have feel his pain. I know the only way to console him is to submit. But is it worth giving myself up? Am I stupid for worrying about him so much, when he was wrong? Why do I feel terrible? Why does the silence remind me of the painful empty feeling that came into my heart 24 hours ago? Why does every thought of him bring me to tears? Why do I wish we were still together? Am I stupid? I truly lost a very important part of me 24 hours. Will I ever get it back? Do I need it? I need help. I think I'm at the point where my heart can't break anymore. Does that mean things are going to get better?